Why Is It So Hard to Talk to Our Loved Ones About Health Care Wishes? (And How to Start Anyway)
You know those conversations you keep meaning to have—but never quite get around to? The ones about what you’d want if you got really sick, if you couldn’t speak for yourself, if life didn’t go as planned? The ones about ventilators, feeding tubes, CPR, and “how much is too much”?
Most people avoid them. Not because they don’t care—but because they do.
Here’s the honest truth:
Unexpected things happen all the time. A diagnosis that comes out of nowhere. An unforeseen accident. Talking about health care wishes, end-of-life decisions, and what truly matters to us is one of the most intimate, human things we can do. And one of the most emotionally complex.
We may feel like we’re opening Pandora’s box:
What if it upsets them?
What if they misunderstand what I’m trying to say?
What if I don’t even fully know what I’d want?
What if it makes death feel too close?
And if you’ve seen what it looks like when these conversations don’t happen—prolonged ICU stays, painful interventions, or families left shattered and unsure—you know how high the stakes are. But even that knowing doesn’t always make it easier.
We live in a culture that doesn’t do well with uncertainty, grief, or mortality. We rush to fix, minimize, or avoid. And in medicine, we often train ourselves to compartmentalize—to focus on treatment plans and next steps rather than meaning, values, or human messiness.
But the truth is, these conversations aren’t just medical—they’re deeply personal. They’re about autonomy, dignity, love, and trust. They’re about making sure our values—not just our vitals—guide decisions when it matters most.
So where do you start?
Start from connection. From love. From a desire to unburden the people you care about—not with responsibility, but with clarity and confidence.
Try one of these gentle openers:
“Hey, I’ve been thinking about something important. If anything ever happened and I couldn’t make decisions for myself, I’d want you to know what matters most to me. Can we talk about that sometime?”
“You know, I’ve seen how hard it is for families when no one talks about what they’d want. I’d really like to share a few things with you—not because anything’s wrong, but because I love you.”
“This might feel a little heavy, but I think it’s one of the most loving things we can do—be honest about what we’d want, and not want, if things got serious.”
You don’t have to figure it all out at once. These conversations can unfold in small moments—on a walk, during dinner, in the car. They can be imperfect, emotional, evolving. What matters most is starting.
Because when the time comes, your loved ones won’t want to guess. They’ll want to know.
And if you feel overwhelmed by how to do this, you’re not alone. This is uncountable work—work that doesn’t show up on a to-do list but brings immeasurable peace of mind.
If you want support—clarity, language, presence, and a safe space to begin—book a free consult call with me. I’ll walk you through the process and help you feel grounded, clear, and confident in having these essential conversations.
You deserve to be heard, and your people deserve to be prepared—not scared.
If reading this has had you nodding along and you want support for yourself or a loved one, I would love to chat more about your situation, answer your questions, and provide support for you!
Get me on a call, totally free consult, find a time that works for you here:
https://calendly.com/sarahannewittry/connection-call?month=2025-05
